Started off with a bittersweet goodbye to spiritual mentor P. David Ree in late May, then went off to Arkansas for my brother's vacation, where we scooped him and went off to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon as one fat happy family! Upon my return, I went to serve at the OMEGA youth ministry summer retreat, immediately followed by Grace retreat where I was so incredibly rocked and blessed, then missions with KUMC of GW youth and college students to Cacalchen, Mexico, and now I am just a few days fresh returning from College Initiative and TG conference in Los Angeles, with the upcoming Vacation Bible School at St. Mark's UMC which I'm in charge of ahhhhhhh... all of these events wedged between various women's ministry nights, prayer meetings, bible studies, personal amazing times with the Lord, several struggles and failings, mistakes, sin, ugliness... all of it!
Yes. Very packed, heavy duty summer of God's amazing glory, my shame which He has taken upon that Cross, and all that is in between. Through it all, this has been honestly the most memorable and best spent summer I've had for as long as I can remember. Nothing as sweet as Jesus! :)
Through all the events and craziness/hecticness and whatnot... key bible passage for me would be from Philippians 3:13-14:
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
No matter how many retreats I attend or how many fervent prayers I pray or how many chapters of the Word consumes me, there is not a moment in which I've actually arrived. In other words, there is not a moment when I don't have to surrender to God's grace, to the blood of Jesus. No matter how "good" I was, and how humbly I submitted to Christ yesterday, or even a few moments ago, I won't ever be righteous on my own or truly deserving of Heaven on my own. The nature of my flesh will always give a fight, the Enemy will not let me go so easy. I'm. So. Weak. I need Jesus every moment. Yesterday does not matter. A few moments ago does not matter. The time is and will always be until the day that I die...NOW. The time to surrender to Christ and His abounding grace is NOW!
Do not let your guard down ever. Do not ever feel like you've got enough righteousness and strength to be truly righteous and truly strong as Jesus Christ. Don't be deceived by your heart! No matter how on "fire" you are! ... but constantly self-examine and follow the leadings of the Spirit. If you are burdened to pray and seek the Lord, DO IT! Even if and most urgently when your heart doesn't "feel" like it. I gotta take this advice. I'm mainly writing this entry for myself as a reminder, and I hope this is a source of enlightenment and encouragement to all who are reading. :)
Forget about yesterday!!! Not just about your past mistakes, sin, shame, but also about your victories in Christ, successes, changes, being on fire, etc. Do not live in the past and do not live in the future. Live in the NOW! The time to be refined and to know the Lord more deeply is right now! The time to be humbled before Christ and to receive His grace is now! Now now now now now now now now now! Even as I'm typing this entry... now is the time to rest in Him aka sleep... (hahaha it's so late z_z). Every moment there is a purpose which God calls me to. Sometimes it's meditating, sometimes it's napping, sometimes it's eating, sometimes it's reading the Word, sometimes it's fasting, sometimes it's working, sometimes it's doing laundry, sometimes it's hugging my mommy, sometimes it's helping my daddy, sometimes it's talking to that stranger, sometimes it's praying for that friend. Every moment there is a purpose which is the most sanctifying which God is calling me to. He is always moving and I need to be following! And He is always speaking to me about how I can be obedient... He isn't the Father who leaves His child hanging, especially when I am searching and hungering after Him. I need my spiritual ears to become more open so that I may always be walking in step with the Spirit. So that I can live in the NOW with my Father who knows best and wants the best for me.
Ahhhhhhh... Jesus was so intentional about everything He did while on Earth because He was crazy in love with us. Let's zealously and so intentionally return His love. Bah... personally, I want and NEED to be much more intentional about seeking Jesus. Being intentional is not being artificial... Don't let the Enemy deceive you. If anything, being intentional only affirms our love for our special So-and-So!
...Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date in the wee early morning... time for beauty rest so I can look, feel, think sharply for Him in 6 hours hahaha. :)
Amen Janet, i whole-heartedly agree. it's in those moments where i tell myself "dang i've been pretty obedient and disciplined, im like really holy right now" thats when i fall the hardest, because i let my pride get in the way, and was acknowledging that it was my own strength that helped me to maintain my relationship with our Father, so wrong.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reflection, hope your date in the morning is refreshing. Be filled!