"Come, Let Us Return"

I feel increasingly alive each passing week. I really just want to praise God for being such a faithful and confident God. It's like there's this shout stuck in my chest that's pressing to come out!@2#

.... Rather than doing that, I'll try to relay it into a blog entry and hopefully encourage some brothers and sisters. :)

¹"Come, let us return to the LORD
For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
²"He will revive us after two days;
He will raise us up on the third day,
That we may live before Him.
³"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth."

Hosea 6:1-3

So I've been experiencing massive amounts of.. spiritual? .. pressure in the last 2 weeks. It's kinda hard to place into words. Some people who are (..or were?) close to me discouraging me through their body language and words, having me second-guess what's right and what's wrong through a loooot of diff ways, guilt and shame beginning to cloud over my head, and eventually that annoying voice in the back of my head saying I want to quit, that there is no "destiny" for me, that I am not worthy, I'm stupid, I'm useless, emo, emo, self-hate, you suck, die, so on so forth. Not trying to make light of it. It was really tough to feel like that again, so discouraged and defeated. I almost felt like I was just back on Square 1.

But, as most blog entries have a point and purpose as does this one, there's good news. :)

Somewhere and sometime, my heart came to a deeper understanding that... in response to that voice... yea, I AM not worthy. I never was worthy and I never will be worthy of God. But isn't that why Christianity is so beautiful? When we willfully sin, even if we know the Truth, God still loves us. He'll continue to love us no matter what we do and He'll be ready to give us another chance until we die. So really the question at hand is: How long are we going to blindly persist on marching to the drum of our deaths?

"What should we say, then? Should we go on sinning so that grace extends?"
Romans 6:1

As for me, I am going to return, pursue, struggle, sweat, and fight, despite falls and trials. It's not the same as taking advantage of Christ's grace. God's love and kindness is convicting and edifying me, not justifying and excusing me from my sins. Just some food for thought.

And the decision to fight, despite what others think of me, is the best decision that I make daily. I recognize now that during that time of brokenness, I wasn't back at Square 1, but God was breaking me to rebuild me. I know there's much more left of that, and I know I can trust Him and depend on Him despite circumstances. I already feel like a stronger woman than I was a week ago, and praise God for that because I'm weak, blind, selfish, and dirty without Him. I can't wait to ultimately become the woman He really meant for me to be.
I've never been the person to deserve 2nd chances. I didn't deserve His patience then, and I don't deserve it now. Seriously, what a merciful God! He is so much in love with me and crazy about me. Yea I grew up in the church and my dad's a pastor, and this is just beginning to hit me. The best part of it all is? There is still this endlessness beyond what's in my grasp.

I thank God and am so humbled by Him for this passion. I am falling more in love with Him and I am just so excited and so full of praise for Him.

:)

"Come, let us return
He has torn us into pieces
He has injured us
Come let us return to the Lord
He will heal us
He will bandage our wounds
In just a short time He'll restore us
In just a short time He'll restore His church
So we might live
We might live in His presence
In His presence
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Oh that we might know the Lord
Let us press on to know Him
Let us press hard into Him
Then as surely as the coming of the dawn
He will respond""Hosea" by Shane & Shane